Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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