i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
