Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
