I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
