why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
