If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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