i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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