didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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