Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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