I think my vagina is haunted
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
