She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
