i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
