I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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