So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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