you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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