he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
