i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
