Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
