She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Actions speak louder than pants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
