Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
