in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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