she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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