We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize