thus making me awesome and them whores
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
