I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
