my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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