Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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