I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
