On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
