so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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