I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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