you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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