just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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