so that wasnt chicken after all
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
