I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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