Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
