Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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