I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
