So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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