My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
