Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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