yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
