dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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