sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
