Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
