he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
