how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
