You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
