Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
