McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
