a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
