I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
