I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
