my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
