Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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