he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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