Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
