My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
