my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please come you make the beer taste better
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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