so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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