i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
