my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
