Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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