to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
